Faces of quiet trauma

Aug 1st 2012, 14:21 by S.W. | ARLES

In 2006 Jonathan Torgovnik, an Israeli-born photographer, travelled to Rwanda with a reporter to investigate how HIV had been used as a weapon of war during the 1994 genocide. This atrocity left more than 800,000 people dead, but one interviewee revealed another aspect of its aftermath: “This woman,” Mr Torgovnik explains, “described how her family were killed and how she was raped and how she’d contracted HIV as a result. And she mentioned, in passing, that she had become pregnant through these rapes and had a boy.” Mr Torgovnik says the interview kept coming back to him in the following weeks, so he “decided to go to Rwanda and start a personal project to investigate this issue.”

He spent the next three years interviewing women who’d had a child after being raped by militiamen. He photographed them with their children, many of whom don’t know the truth about their parentage. In 2009 he published a book about his project called "Intended Consequences", and in July his exhibition of the same name won the Discovery prize at one of Europe’s largest photography festivals—Les Rencontres d’Arles in France—where it is on show until September 23rd.

“These women are ostracised,” Mr Torgovnik says. “They are rejected by their communities because of the stigma associated with rape, associated with HIV, associated with having a child of the enemy, so to speak.” But despite their trauma, and despite talking to a man and an outsider, Mr Torgovnik found the women he interviewed surprisingly candid. “I think they’d kept it in for so many years that when someone was finally there to collect their testimonies, they actually pleaded with me to tell their stories because they cannot tell them themselves.”

Their trauma was not only harrowing to hear about, but hard to photograph. “How do you document trauma in pictures?” Mr Torgovnik asks. “These experiences happened many years ago.” His solution was to photograph his subjects immediately after he had interviewed them, when their emotion was still at the surface. Photographing on film rather than digitally helped too. “I had to change the roll of film every 12 pictures, and as I was changing the film I could see they were more relaxed. It took two or three rolls of film before they were relaxed with each other and relaxed with me.”

For the first time Mr Torgovnik’s work has taken him beyond photojournalism. In 2008, he started a charity called Foundation Rwanda, which now supports 860 families. “I’m still very much involved in the country and with this specific population of survivors of the genocide.”

Isabelle with her son, Jean-Paul (pictured above)

"A group of militias attacked our home and killed my three brothers.

Then they took me to a place where they raped me, one after the other.

I can’t tell you how many there were; I can’t describe the experience. What I know is that later I realised that I was pregnant. I’d never had sex before; that was the first time. After giving birth, I thought of killing the baby because I was bitter, but eventually I decided not to kill him. I feel trauma every time I look at this boy because I don’t know who his father is.

I am physically handicapped because of the beatings that I endured and I can’t carry anything. I can’t work. All I can do is sit down. It was not until now that I can say it is good that I didn’t kill that boy because he fetches water for me. Now I have accepted that he is my son, and I will do whatever I can in my position as a mother to raise him. But I fail in my duty as a mother because of poverty. Sometimes he doesn’t have enough to eat. I am not interested in a family. I am not interested in love. I don’t see any future for me. Sometimes I look at my situation and compare myself with people who have their families around them, and I regret that I didn’t die in the genocide."

Bernadette with her son, Faustin

"My mother negotiated with a militia member to try and save us. We gave him part of our eucalyptus plantation to save my brother, Turgen. We didn’t know that they would kill women. Three days later, he came back and said that he no longer wanted the land. He said, “I want your daughter; I want this girl.” My mother said no, that the land was enough. Then he came back again with other militiamen. Eventually they took me to the forest, and he told them to gather around.

He told the other militiamen to reduce my height because I had always been arrogant; so they got clubs and hit my legs. I couldn’t move; I was shaking all over. Later, I went to a refugee camp for Tutsis. But little did I know that this man had made me pregnant.

My son is 12 years old, and I think he knows. Once he came crying that someone told him, “You’re the son of a militiaman. Your father is in prison.” You can't take the sins of the father and blame them on the child. The philosophy I use for my life is to laugh; so I laughed and after laughing told him, “Why should that worry you? Why should that make you cry?” If he has brains, he should know by the way that I laughed; I confirmed to him that he is the son of a militiaman. Whenever I think about his future, I don’t know, and that is my biggest problem. If there is anything that tortures me, it is the tomorrow of my son."

Josette with her son, Thomas

"The militia came in the evening and locked us in a house. Then they said they were going to rape us, but they used the word marry. They said they were going to marry us until we stopped breathing. They would rape us at night, and then the next day they would go out to kill. That was the pattern of our lives. Every morning they hit us ten times. After hitting us, we got a different man. Eventually my sister said it was too much, that we needed to commit suicide. I left, but I didn’t know where to go.

My uncle didn’t welcome me into his house. He asked me who was responsible for my pregnancy. I said if I am pregnant, then it must be the militias since many of them had raped me. He said I shouldn’t enter his house carrying a baby of the Hutus and chased me away.

I must be honest with you; I never loved this child. Whenever I remember what his father did to me, I used to feel the only revenge would be to kill his son. But I never did that. I forced myself to like him, but he is unlikable. The boy is too stubborn and bad. He behaves like a street child. It’s not because he knows that I don’t love him; it is that blood in him."

Clare with her daughter, Elisabeth

"Before the genocide, I had a family. I had parents, I had relatives, I had brothers and sisters; we lived a happy life until the genocide came and destroyed it. Everybody was killed, apart from me.

On April 6th, the president was killed, and Tutsis around our village were targeted by Hutu militias that were very organised, like they had prepared this for many years. My family fled to the nearby church. A priest told me I should hide in the head priest’s house. When I entered, he called his friend and said this was an opportunity for them to “enjoy a Tutsi girl.” And so both of them raped me in the house of the chief priest. Later one mocked me, “I wanted to love you, but you were too proud. Now I have enjoyed you when I didn’t even want you.” He called in other militias; outside the parish, my upper teeth were removed with clubs.

They had dug holes in the forest. There, they hit me with clubs and machetes and threw me among the dead bodies. They thought I was dead. I don’t know how I survived, but in the night, I managed to walk slowly through the dead bodies and then quietly through the bushes. But I was discovered along the way by many militiamen, and they all raped me. Each time I was “saved” by someone, he would rape me and then lead me to another bush where I would be raped again.

When I found out I was pregnant, I thought that I would kill the child as soon as it was born. But when she arrived, she looked like my family, and I realised she was part of me. I started to love her. Now, I love my daughter so much; actually, our relationship is more like sisters."

Olivia with her son, Marco

"About ten thousand people had fled to the church compound. After a week, militias started attacking us. It was a terrible experience. They entered with machetes, with axes, with grenades and guns. They started cutting into the crowd. It was all noise, crying, and the killing did not stop. On the third day, they did not kill, but spent the entire day just raping women from different corners of the church. I am a victim of that day; they raped me with all of my children watching. I can only remember the first five men. After that I started losing my understanding. Even after I was unconscious, they kept raping me.

I had a premonition that I might survive if I picked one child and ran away. I looked at all three of my children, and they all looked so nice to me that I couldn’t pick one. But I also knew that I couldn’t run with all three. Eventually, my heart told me to pick the first born, so I ran toward the church door with him. Many other people were running too, and I fell. I put my body over my son’s to protect him. The militias started cutting the people on top into pieces, and blood was falling on us. When they came to my layer, the militiamen said, “I think this one is already dead.” I pretended to be so. I learned later that my other two children were killed after I left them behind in the church."

“Intended Consequences” is at Les Rencontres d’Arles in France until September 23rd

Posted by 리에곰
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And I'm no misogynist - in fact, my wife's a woman.

Joking aside (and I know you're not supposed to joke about this kind of thing if you want to keep clear of the politically-correct brigade), but I truly believe the very notion that the financial markets is a 'boy's club' is a very outdated viewpoint, and frankly an insult to the many women who successfully manage to juggle bringing up a family and enjoy a rewarding career in the industry.

And I, for one, don't hold the view that women face more barriers to success in our industry than anyone else - in fact, I think the very opposite is true, as firms have realised in recent years the benefits of having women leaders and managers, as they are able to bring to the table a much-needed different perspective, both strategically and tactically. In fact, most firms are crying out for more career-minded women.

My current boss is a woman, and she the best I've had in my eight years in the industry. Married, with two young children, she is highly organised (she has to be), decisive when making decisions, not afraid to make the tough calls, and much better on the inter-personal front when it comes to leading and motivating her team. She is rightly well-regarded, and clearly going places.

Now that's not to say that she had an easy route to the top - she didn't. But she got there nonetheless, and mainly because she was determined to do so. And that's my point - our industry is a tough one, and you only stand a chance of having a successful career if you put in the hours and show that you are made of the right stuff (and, believe me, women are!).

Now not everyone can achieve what they want careerwise, of course, as there are only a limited number of leaders and managers required by each organisation but, in my experience, those who end up being successful are those who really want it - and women are no more disadvantaged because of their gender than I am for being dyslexic. Sure, I face bigger challenges, but in the final analysis my firm has no agenda to see me fail; I am in the mix like everyone else, and it's down to me to work out the best path to success. And that's the way it should be - each man (and woman) doing it for themselves.


excerpted from: http://hereisthecity.com/2012/03/13/im-sorry-but-i-dont-think-women-face-more-hurdles-to-succeed-in/

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Posted by 리에곰
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앞으로 기술이 더 개발되면 외국어 번역기/통역기가 좋아져서 외국어를 안배워도 될지는 모르겠지만, 아직까지는 외국어라는 건 필요한 거니까. 어떻게 하면 외국어를 잘 할 수 있을지에 대해서 간단히 생각해보자. (분명히 여기다 글 써놓은 것 같은데 안보인단 말이지..어디갔누...?)
 
외국어를 하는데 있어서 가장 기본은 많이 듣고, 말하고, 읽고, 쓰는 것이다.

눈치챘겠지만, 듣고-말하고, 읽고-쓰는 순서이다. 일단 많이 들으면, 발음구조나 단어들이 들리기 시작한다. 그럼 그 말을 앵무새처럼 따라하는 거다. (참고로 필자의 별명은 '앵무새'이다..'3PO'라는 있어보이는 별명도 있지만 - 잠깐! 3PO가 누군지 아는가? 그는 바로... '스타워즈'에 나오는 통역 로봇이다...외계어를 인간이 알아들을 수 있는 언어 -영어-로 통역해주는 애..OTL 혹시 누군지 생각 안난다면, 양철그릇 색깔의 황금색 번쩍이는 로봇을 생각하면 된다. 머리 동그란 애-R2D2-랑 같이 다니는.) 

읽으면 그 단어가 어떻게 써져있는지 좀 더 분명해지고, 상황에 맞게 말하고 또 쓰다보면, 점점 더 실력이 느는 것이다. 필자가 처음 영어를 배울 때 그랬다. 무슨 말인지 모르지만 AFN 에서 하는 영어를 들었고, 그 다음은 따라했고, (어렸으니까..) 중학교 들어가서 영어선생님한테 맞아가며 책읽는 걸 배웠고 그 다음은 작문을 했다. (중학교: 한국의 지방 중소도시의 일반 공립 중학교.)
 

1. 듣기


쉽다. 이건 수동적인 작업이다. 그냥 들으면 된다. 영어를 배우고 싶다면 미드를 보면 된다. (헐리웃 영화를 보든..) 취향이 특이해 '난 영국 영어를 배우고 싶어!' 라고 한다면 영쿡에서 나온 드라마나 영화를 보면 된다. (서울에 산다면, 광화문에 있는 '영국 문화원'에 가는 것도 추천한다.) 자막? 한국 자막을 보자. 일단, 쟤가 무슨 말 하는지는 들어야 할 거 아냐...


2. 말하기 


들었으면 따라해보자. 주변에 해당 언어의 원어민(예: 미쿡사람)이 있다면 좋겠지만, 그렇지 않다면 뭐 집에 거울이나 인형 등은 있을거 아닌가. 걔네들이 네이티브라고 생각하고 얘기해보자. (경우에 따라선 정신이상자로 보일 수도 있겠다..이건 책임 못짐.)

그러다 지나가다 외국인이 관광책자 들고 어리버리하게 하고 있으면 지금껏 거울이나 인형등과 연마한 외국어 실력을 발휘할 때다!
"May I help you?"


3. 읽기


쉽다. 책 읽으면 된다. 영어책을 봐도 당췌 뭔 소린지 모르겠다면 사전을 애요하라. 종이사전, 전자사전 어느것이든 본인이 편한 걸 보면 된다. 예전에 나는 종이사전만을 보라 얘기했지만, 종이사전과 형광펜의 조화가 좋긴 하지만, 실력이 늘어가면 늘어갈 수록, 그래서 읽어야 할 책의 장수와 모르는 단어의 수가 늘어나면 늘어날 수록, 그러나 시간이 정해져 있다면, 종이사전만으로 보기에는 시간이 부족할 수 있다. (특히나 필자처럼 종이사전을 펼쳐 보다보면 옆에 애들 그 위에 애들 주변애들 등등 여기저기에 산만하게 형광펜이나 색연필을 칠하는 사람이라면 더더욱!)

잠깐! 시간이 지나면 지날수록 모르는 단어의 수가 늘어난다고?

아쉽지만 필자는 그랬다. 내가 모르는 단어의 수가 제일 적었을 때는 중학교 1학년 영어 교과서로 공부했을 때였다. 그때는 "Hi Jane~ How are you?"로 시작해서 왠만한 단어는 사전없이도 다 알 수 있었다.

중1 영어 교과서가 익숙해지자, 담임 선생님이셨던 영어 선생님은 고등학생용 리딩튜터를 (!) 데리고 오시더니 읽고 해석안되면 무조건 패셨다. 덕분에 우리반 영어 실력은 중1 겨울방학을 지나면서 중학교 영어 공부는 따로 필요하지 않게 되었다. (필자는 공부하는 데는 '패는게 최고'라고 인정하는 사람이다. 물론 맞을 때는 싫었지만...) - 참고로, 중 2까지 그 선생님께 영어 수업을 들은 필자는 그 이후로 수능을 볼 때까지 영어 공부는 따로 안했던 것 같다.. (수능 영어 잘 봤냐고? 뭐- 다 맞았거나 하나 틀렸거나 했을거다..워낙 오래전 일이라.)

아, 또 다른 데로 말이 샜는데, 리딩튜터 단어는 그 당시 중1이었던 나에게는 엄청난 양의 사전과의 씨름을 필요로 했다. 그리고 전술한 것처럼 고등학교 때까지 영어공부를 안했다. 그리고 나는 내가 영어를 잘 하는 줄 알았는데.....................

대학교 들어가서 원서 보려니깐 안되더라. 그래서 그냥 번역본을 보거나, 공부를 안했다.(?)

그리고 이후에 필요에 의해 다시 영어를 공부해야 했고, 이코노미스트(the economist)가 몸에 좋대서(?) 정기구독을 했는데, 아는 단어라고는 is, are, were... 같은 거 밖에 없었다. (아, 굳이 말하자면 Hillary Clinton이나 Brack Obama 정도...는 알았다.)

지금도 이코노미스트는 엄청난 양의 단어 찾기를 요구한다. 그리고, 내가 읽는 책의 수준을 높이면 높일수록 이놈의 단어도 엄청나게 모르겠다. 작년에 베스트셀러라고 하길래 '정의란 무엇인가'를 사서 봤다. 안타깝게도 한글책이 여기엔 없어서 영어로 사서 봤는데, 음...... 필자의 기분을 느끼고 싶다면, "Justice"를 사서 한 번 읽어보라.

아는 만큼 보인다라 했던가? 더 정확히는, 아는만큼 모르는 게 더 많이 생긴다..



4. 쓰기


1-3의 단계를 거쳐 4까지 왔다면, 그대는 영어를 참 잘하는 사람 소리를 들을 것이다.
말로 할 때야 어버버버...하면서 손짓발짓 해서 어떻게 해보겠는데, 글로 쓰려니 참 애매하다. 아는 단어도 생각이 안난다. (사람에 따라서 말하는 게 더 쉬운 사람도 있고 글쓰는 게 더 쉬운 사람도 있다. 한국 사람들은 대체적으로 글쓰는 게 더 쉽다더라.. 그러나, 후에 언젠가 따로 얘기하겠지만, 원어민이 들었을 때 오해하게 쓰는 경우가 정말 많다. 게다가, 글이란 건 증거로 남아버리니 원.....)

네이티브만큼 유창하지 않더라도 비지니스 등등으로 인해 영어나 혹은 다른 외국어로 이메일로 주고받아야 할 경우가 있다. 남이 쓴 거야 3번을 마스터 했다면 쉽겠지만, 4는 다른 얘기다.


필자의 경우는, 사전은 필수이다.
그건 뭐 내가 부족해서이기도 하지만.

처음에는 한-영을 봤다. 단어를 일단 찾아야 할 거 아냐...!
그 다음에는 영-한을 봤다. 내가 제대로 단어 찾는 거 맞지?
그 다음에는 영-영을 봤다. to, in, on...같은 애들을 잘못쓰지 않기 위해서. 정말 초보라서 영어로 의사소통하는게 감사하다면 모를까, 아니라면 '나를 밥은 먹습니다'라고 쓰는 것보다 '나는 밥을 먹습니다'라고 써야 할 것 아닌가. 그래서 언제나 단어를 찾을 때 the가 필요한지 a/an이 필요한지, 동사라면 to가 필요한지 -ing가 필요한지, .... 그런 것들을 확인하곤 했다.

1) 만약 정말 초보라면? - 가능한 한 간단하게, 의사전달만 될 수 있게 작성한다. 그게 어려운 말보다 낫다.

2) 어느 정도 한다면? - 역시 가능한 한 심플하게, 의사전달이 될 수 있게 한다.
※ 절대, 화려하게 쓰려고 하지 말자.

3) 정말 잘 쓴다면? - 알아서...^^;;;


마치며


앞으로 언어별로 내가 삽질한 이야기들을 정리해볼까 한다. (언제? 글쎄...) 필자는 참 언어로 삽질 많이 했다. 처음엔 영어로, 그 다음엔 중국어로, 그 다음엔 일본어, 그리고 지금은 광동어로 삽질하고 있다...
Posted by 리에곰
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